This is a hard job, very hard some days. Although it is hard to explain, it is like having a "work" job outside the home. You have good days and bad days. I LOVE my job there is nothing else in the world that can compare to the hugs and kisses I get all through my working day. But, there are times that I long to watch a TV show alone. Actually, I would like a whole day to say in my PJ's and watch Lifetime Movie Network all day. These kids don't take away from my world- they are my world. Talking with other Moms I have come to understand that I am far from a perfect Mom but I hope one day they have great memories of us playing together and having fun. Aniston's schedule has been nuts lately, there is no schedule. At 1 am this morning we were dancing on my bed to songs on my phone. It was hysterical! At one point I thought if Greg walks in here he will think I have lost my mind!! Some would say it wouldn't be along trip. HaHa. As a child growing up my Mom wouldn't let me sit on the bed much less jump on it! Times are different, parenting is different.
After the fun was over around 2 this morning and I looked at Aniston as she was falling asleep I was sad. My mind drifted to the thought of having a 7 yr old asleep in another room who would be up in a few hours and off to 1st grade. My, time rolls by fast. I laid awake thinking of all the ways life has changed since being a Mom. There is a thing called mother's intutition. You sense when something is not right with your child, you feel there pain, you know you are needed. When Aniston was born and I had my hysterectomy it was bittersweet. I was thrilled to live a life without pain for the first time I could remember. I was happy to think I wouldn't have to think of the struggle of infertility and trials in getting pregnant. I also would never again face the pain of giving a new life growing inside of me up to heaven before we got to meet here on earth. I don't give thanks enough for this blessing of experiencing the journey of motherhood.
With every pregnancy before Aniston I have known I would have another child. That time I knew she would be our last chil. As I neared the end of that pregnancy I found myself feeling a bit like a kid anxious for what may be her last Christmas, at least for a very long time.
To me, the labor and delivery experience is so miraculous and wonderful and magical. It is like Christmas- double exciting when I had my first child on Christmas. There is the wonder and excitement of meeting your child face to face. It is like opening the most incredibly beautiful, wonderful,present ever.
There were so many reasons I was glad to move on from this child bearing stage of my life. And yet, now I wish I could do it again! That is until Aniston is brat tomorrow when she wakes up and I once again feel as though I should be wearing a name tag and an apron!
For friends that are waiting to be blessed through adoption or fostering, please send up a prayer for them.